BRAK - velika tajna
Šta su to svete tajne, zašto danas parovi imaju dva venčanja? Šta znači crkveni obred i crkveno venčanje i da li je Brak nemoguća misija? Irina Marković završava svoju trilogiju o Braku.
Poznato je da većina novovenčanih parova u Srbiji danas ima dva venčanja: jedno crkveno i jedno građansko. Već se ustalio običaj da se sve odvija sledećim redosledom: prvo se u porti okupe vascela rodbina i prijatelji, onda se u crkvi odgleda simpatični ritual, u kome krunisani mlada i mladoženja idu u krug, dok pop poja i kadi, a kumovima vosak pada po svečanim cipelama. Mladenci se stidljivo poljube (jer ipak su u crkvi) i na kraju popa na srpskom rezimira i ukratko prevede ono što je u prethodnom satu pojao na crkvenoslovenskom. U zavisnosti od toga koliko se platilo svešteniku, biće prikazana cela ili, pak, skraćena verzija jedinstvenog šoua u kome postajemo kraljice i kraljevi na jedan dan.
Kada se završi ovaj uzvišeni obred, svatovi se naguraju u svoje i tuđe automobile, pa pravac kafana. Sjaj kafane, ili u ovu svrhu iznajmljene sale, zavisiće od dubine vašeg džepa. U njoj će vas dočekti priučeni bend s omiljenim svadbarskim hitovima od Vardara pa naviše, zatim, ide blok nostalgičnih pesama za kraljevinom (čitaj «četničkih»), a na samom kraju pompezno ulaze trubači. Ako je neko od mladenaca iz Crne Gore, kafanska svadba pokazaće političarima kako se obnavlja propala federacija. Kulminacija nastupa u trenutku kada se pojavi gotovo raspevani(a) matičar(ka), koji će pročitati drage, ali zapravo smešne stihove Duška Radovića, jer šta je smešnije od toga kada država pokušava da bude poetična, umesto da se lepo pročita zakon i tačka. Čika Duškov talenat tako je indirektno ismejan od strane antipoetične države, a njegovi stihovi poslužili su kao ne baš odgovarajuća zamena za crkvenu dramaturgiju.
Na crkvena venčanja, prepuna poetike, u prošlosti nije se blagonaklono gledalo, zato je sasvim prirodno što je danas usledila tolika navala na to, do juče zabranjeno, voće.
Em neobjašnjivo, em zaboravljeno
Teško je objasniti i sebi i drugima, a ne biti izveštačen, nešto što se u načelu ne objašnjava, i što, da bi se pravilno razumelo, treba prvo da bude deo osećanja i vaspitanja, pa tek onda racionalnog raščlanjavanja. U slučaju religioznih pojmova i usled nedostatka vaspitanja u duhu verskih tradicija, moraću umesto - verujem da bih razumela, da koristim obrnutu metodu - ako razumem, možda ću poverovati. A to sve zbog toga što dubine i ozbiljnosti crkvenog venčanja, ni mladenci, a još manje svatovi, nisu svesni - važno je da na kraju čeka kafana, pečenje i šizenje.
U priči o braku kao svetoj tajni, prvo moramo razumeti ovaj složen teološki pojam. Teološke pojmove teško shvataju svi oni koji ih nisu usvojili kroz vaspitanje i kulturu iz koje su ponikli. Kod nas je došlo dotle da su stvari vere za jedne postale predmet izrugivanja i podsmeha, a za druge predmet nakaradne folklorne upotrebe. Čini se da zlatne sredine nema, ili je ima vrlo malo, te je skoro nevidljiva.
Ne bi uopšte trebalo da se zavaravamo da su nam venčanja, krštenja i ostale stvari vezane za crkvu i verski život poznate i samorazumljive, daleko su od nas koliko i sela na Kamčatci. To što su one nekada bile malo bliže, to se ne računa, jer ovde je preovladao kolektivni zaborav i pojavila se nakaradna tehnika vraćanja starog, ili na staro, bez jasnog saznanja o tome kako je to staro izgledalo i uz prateći simptom ignorisanja činjenice da je proteklo mnogo vremena, da su se okolnosti veoma promenile, te da postoji stravičan diskontinuitet između nas danas i nas prekjuče.
Uprkos tome, pokušaću da pišem o onome što spada u zaboravljenu veru, tako da razumeju nevernici, a vernici ne zamere, premda i jedni i drugi (kao i sama autorka teksta) spadaju u skupinu zaboravnih.
Uprkos stavu da se pitanja vere teško mogu objasniti razumom, razum ne bi bio razum, kad ne bi pokušavao da stvari raščlani i zatvori u svoje fioke i fajlove. Jednom rečju, kad ne bi pokušavao da objasni sve, pa i ono neobjašnjivo. Stoga, za njega poseban izazov predstavlja nešto što u svom nazivu sadrži reč «tajna», pa još povh toga i «sveta».
Za pravilno usvajanje teoloških pojmova potreban je ne samo intelektualan i intuitivan čin spoznaje, već i onaj mistički koji objedinjuje prethodna dva, tako što dodaje nešto treće koje je van uma i bez čega um ne bi imao moć sinteze. Naposletku, vera i jeste sama po sebi sinteza, ona je umno, a ne stihijsko, osećanje.
U svakom slučaju, kada bismo imali vaspitana osećanja, ne bismo mnogo pitali, već bismo pametno osećali.
Glavni cilj svakog hrišćanina jeste spasenje, a termin mysterion upotrebljavao se uopšteno da označi posebne radnje kojima se ono postiže. Naime, broj svetih tajni nije bio utvrđen u pravoslavnoj crkvi sve do trinaestog veka. Nauk o sedam tajni pojavljuje se prvi put u Ispovedanju vere kod pape Klimenta IV, koji je tražio da ga usvoji car vizantijski Mihailo Paleolog. Dakle, sam broj svetih tajni preuzet je sa Zapada i to, čini se, najviše, kako smatra prof. Džon Majendorf, zbog tadašnje fascinacije Vizantinaca simbolikom brojeva. Sedam je darova Svetoga Duha (Isaija 11:2-4) i to je već dovoljan razlog za prihvatanje ovog broja. Svakako, bilo je i onih koji su proširivali ili skraćivali spisak, ali je naposletku ostao onaj koji možemo pročitati u svakom crkvenom kalendaru. To su: krštenje, miropomazanje, ispovest, pričešće, brak, sveštenstvo i jeleosvećenje.
Dve su tajne najvažnije kao stvaran preduslov svih ostalih: krštenje, a potom evharistija ili pričešće. Zato je neophodan uslov da biste bili venčani u crkvi, da ste prethodno primili tajnu krštenja, naime, da ste član hrišćanske zajednice. S druge strane, imamo primer u nekim varijantama hinduizma, ako je neko od mladenaca druge veroispovesti, nije neophodno da postane pristalica Krišne ili Šive.
Ono što vidi hrišćanin, ne vidi ateista, ili budista i obratno, a hrišćanstvo je, kako kaže Maksim Tarejev «...aristokratska religija izabranih ...». Hrišćanima je zbog svog elitizma teško da razumeju zašto neko drugi nije hriščanin i zato su često, protivno sopstvenoj doktrini, skloni osudama, progonima, pa čak i pogromima drugih vera, naroda i pojedinaca. O tankoj granici između verskog elitizma i fundamentalizma možda u nekom drugom tekstu.
«Svete tajne su sveštenoradnje, kroz koje se vernicima na vidljiv način daje nevidljiva blagodat Božija. Pošto je čovek psihofizičko biće: vidljivo po telu, nevidljivo po duši, to i svaka sveta tajna ima dve strane: vidljivu i nevidljivu. Vidljivu stranu sačinjavaju: sveštenikova radnja, reči, molitva i materija koja se upotrebljava, a nevidljivu blagodat Božija» (arimandrit prof. dr Justin Popović).
Ovaj nevidljivi deo je ono u šta treba poverovati, kao što treba poverovati u održivost večne vernosti u ljubavi. Ovde se snaga vere u Božiju blagodat podudara sa snagom volje da se ostane u ljubavi uprkos svemu. Ta blagodat zadobija se uz pomoć Božije milosti, ali najviše podvigom volje, koji je oblik zdravog žrtvovanja svog (umalo da napišem svetog) egoizma. Sticanje osećanja Božije blagodati moguće je samo putem odbacivanja sebičnog samoljublja, kroz svestan i odgovoran čin, i to, samo ukoliko su isključeni svi oblici psihopatologije.
Bez obzira na to koliko je tanka granica između onog što nazivamo normalnim i bolesnim, većina ljudi, na sreću, još uvek ume dobro da proceni do koje mere je ta granica rastegljiva. Naglašavam da ove odrednice nisu primenljive na homoseksualnost jer se za nju može reći da predstavlja normalnu nenormalnost i da je stara koliko i sam čovek, kao i da je ona proizvod kulture koju je stvorila civilizacija i iz koje je nastala biološka predodređenost. Da li je bilo obratno, pitanje je koje vodi u veoma ozbiljnu metafizičku raspravu.
Tim zaboravnim „izabranim“ hrišćanima trebalo bi da su jasni sledeći pojmovi: Carstvo nebesko, Bogočovek, pretvaranje hleba i vina u telo i krv Hristosovu, crkva sa velikim C, koja je živi organizam „tela“ Isusovog, putem koje, i samo putem koje, kao njeni članovi, ulazimo u Carstvo nebesko. Ona nije samo lepa zgrada u kojoj se nalazi ured za opijanje, ili detoksikaciju masa. Raščistimo li s ovim pitanjima, možemo shvatiti zašto je Crkva kao takva tajna s velikim T, a ujedno i izvor svih svetih tajni.
Ako posmatramo brak kao jednu od njih, moramo voditi računa o ostalim elementima doktrine. Tako, ako bismo želeli da priču uprostimo i svedemo na razumljiv nivo običnom čoveku, reći ćemo da ukoliko verujemo u život posle smrti, u raj i u pakao, u spasenje duše putem pokajanja i Božije milosti, onda nam neće nerazumno zvučati ideja da se sa svojim supružnikom borimo i međusobno pomažemo da zajedno odemo u raj. Kada udvoje težimo večnom životu, uspostavili smo čvršću vezu od bilo koje druge, a naročito one koja počiva na sve većoj i većoj seksualnoj privlačnosti, kojoj kraja nema i koja može lepu ženu da pretvori u plastičnu nakazu.
Da bi priča o braku kao svetoj tajni imala smisla, potrebno je poverovati u ono što zdravom razumu zvuči nemoguće. Uprkos tome, brak kao sveta tajna uopšte ne isključuje osnovna načela koja je ustanovila nauka, već ih, naprotiv, upotpunjuje i sagledava iz jedne više perspektive.
U životu je lakše nositi se s jednom tako teškom stvari kao što je uspešan brak, ako je on osiguran nebeskim vezama. Iako je možda bajka, sama težnja ka ovom cilju predstavlja veoma jak psihološki podsticaj.
Međutim, ništa nam ne vredi ako ne verujemo, i najviše ne verujemo ako ne verujemo sami sebi, a sebi možemo verovati samo onda kada smo se čvrsto odlučili da istrajemo - ovoga puta u ljubavi.
Pravo pitanje koje se postavlja u vezi sa brakom kao svetom tajnom je to da li se suštinski nešto menja u vezi muškarca i žene u poređenju sa svetovnim brakom, ili personalnom neformalnom unijom, gde je zavet često prećutan, ili uopšte ne postoji. U tim neformalnim zajednicama, upravo odsustvo zaveta predstavlja posebnu čar, a neizvesnost koju donosi sutra nekom je mnogo uzbudljivija od monotonije bračne svakodnevice. Opština je pošten način da se odmah na početku pravno regulišu imovinski odnosi supružnika, jer, kao što znamo, miraz odavno ne postoji, ili u slučaju da mladenci imaju averziju ili strah od crkve, prosto predstavlja ritual-surogat.
Ono što svakako odvaja brak pred oltarom od braka pred matičarem je to što on predstavlja zajedničku propusnicu za raj. Oltar predstavlja VIP ložu ka višoj sili, koja vas od tog momenta neprekidno prati, da ne kažem špijunira, ali i doziva, kad za to dođe vreme, da zajedno stupite pod njeno okrilje i budete nagrađeni neizrecivim osećajem božije blagodati. To je onaj nevidljivi deo. Kada sklope brak u crkvi, onda supružnici više nisu sami, njih je zapravo troje: muž, žena i viša sila. Sva energija ljubavi se ne razmenjuje na horizontalnoj ravni od žene ka muškarcu i obratno, jer se tako usmerene energije na kraju ulupaju, uguše i progutaju jedna drugu, već se energija od jednog srca penje „do nebesa“, pa se oplemenjena vraća u horizontalu drugog. Tako se izbegava pogubno trenje, koje na jednom kraju predstavlja uzbudljivu, ali nikad zadovoljenu, seksualnu strast, dok nas na drugom može naterati i na težak zločin. „Trenje...to je sve što nam je ostalo od ljubavi“, kaže se u stihu jedne pesme sastava Blokaut...
Život istinskog vernika pun odricanja i beskrajne trpeljivosti, zapravo je neizdrživ za većinu ljudi. To dobro znaju oni koji su takav život probali. Njih je užasno malo, a još je manje onih koji to rade u paru. Kada bi svaki par koji se venča u crkvi uspevao disciplinovano da živi hrišćanski život, ja o ovome ne bih ni pisala i bilo bi opšte poznato koja je najsigurnija varijanta ne samo za raj, već i za dugovečnu sreću na zemlji. Nažalost, u stvarnom svetu ne samo da nije tako, već je postalo otrcano gajiti jedan takav ideal i imati verovanje koje nadilazi sutrašnji dan.
Mnogima je dosta mukotrpnog života i sebe u njemu, a kamoli još i da ga dele s nekim i to pod teretom večne obaveze. Neki veruju da će se samo jednog dana ugasiti, kao kada se kompjuteru isključi napajanje, i to je deo njihovog zdravorazumskog optimizma, ali postoje i oni koji veruju da će bios nastaviti da živi i onda kada bi nestalo struje na čitavoj planeti. Takvi su pravi kandidati da sklope brak pred oltarom, ovi drugi, makar zbog uroka, trebalo bi da sačekaju malo dok ne shvate šta zaista znači sklopiti brak u crkvi i koju odgovornost to sa sobom nosi.
Ako ne verujete u Bogočoveka, život posle smrti, kaznu i nagradu, postojanje raja i pakla, folklorno pomodarstvo može da se zadovolji i na drugi način: obucite se u narodnu nošnju iz svog zavičaja i venčajte se ispred spomenika Pobedniku na Kalemegdanu!
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